"Pakistan Paindabad has set others a model of what a blog/site should be."
Late Khalid Hasan, US correspondent for the Lahore-based Daily Times and The Friday Times
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Being gay in Pakistan's biggest metropolis.
[Text by Jalaluddin; imaging by Mayank Austen Soofi; the picture is not of the author]
These are edited excerpts from Jalaluddin’s Tuzk e Jalali.
04 Rajab ul Murajjab 1430
From now on I'll be blogging very irregularly. One of the reasons is the fear elicited by the fact that my blog has been quoted in the Indian and American online sites. The closet door is being banged at very hard. I have come out of the closet to my family and friends but that does not mean that I am ready to do it officially. Not in Pakistan. Sorry.
22 Rabi ul Awwal 1430
Ok. Ok. Ok. Depression is over. Thank God.
21 Zilhaj 1429
Let Me Go
I am in my depression phase again. I guess this has become so common for me that I can talk about it with a reasonable amount of detachment. With all the anger and hatred targeted at my parents, even though I came out to them, they keep pestering me to get married. They did not let me move out of the house, even though I could have.
I don’t think I can forgive them. There is this feeling of having lost five years of my life fighting with my parents on this one topic. It is a very long period of life, and I felt I was caged. I want my time back. I'm angry with myself for not having the courage to tell my parents that even if it would hurt them, and they might disown me, I want to live alone.
See, I wanted to be happy. I just thought that being parents they would allow me to make the choices that would direct my life. They did allow it, but on the other hand my mother cried every time I mentioned it.
All I can hope for is that during this bout of depression, I don’t end up with cut marks on the wrist like the last time.
[Click here to read the first part of the diary]