Benazir is gone, Britney is coming.
[Text by Mayank Austen Soofi; the picture has been removed followig 'friendly advices'.]
Ms. Benazir Bhutto has gone to Allah. Mr. Pervez Musharraf is not loved 100%. Mr. Nawaz Sharif looks too sweaty for his life. Mr. Imran Khan can win votes in Bombay's Malabar Hill, not in Karachi's Clifton. Mr. Zardari is Mr. Ten percent. While Bilawal, cute and freshly motherless, is still waiting for his milk teeth to appear.
There’s no one.
Who would unify the country? Will Pakistan breakup?
Not yet. Our great nation has a new savior—Ms. Britney Spears. It has been reported that the pop star has got a Pakistani boyfriend and that she is seriously considering converting to Islam, perform nikah with a certain Mr. Adnan Ghalib, and shift—with bras, panties, prozac et al.—to Pakistan.
This move could have far reaching consequences. Ms. Spears is sure to attract the attention of the lusty Mr. Musharraf who, despite his advancing years, remains a typical Pakistani womanizer (ask Begum Saheba Musharraf). Ms. Spears too would find it difficult to resist his advances since the cunning General has, very conveniently, taken out his uniform. If all goes well, this bedroom alliance could help bring the wild West closer to what the Economist describe as the world’s most dangerous place.
C. Christine Fair, a former U.S. official now at Rand Corp., said it would be a “silver lining” if Ms. Spears’ oomph causes Pakistani security establishment to re-consider a long-standing reliance on militant groups who frown at anything, including fruits like water-melons, that looks like a woman or a woman’s body parts.
It helps that Ms. Spears has it in her to spear Pak hearts. Most Pakistani men would happily lap up Ms. Spears on their lap. She is beautiful, sexy, twice married (society ladies in Pakistan always marry more than once), and white.
However not all are optimistic.
Peter W. Rodman of the Brookings Institution, who was the top international security affairs official at the Pentagon until last month, said Ms. Spears is “a wild card and not to be trusted.” He pointed out the disappointments by other white women who were besotted by rugged Pakistani men like Princess Diana, Jemima Goldsmith, and the nearly forgotten Sita White who had a natural daughter by Mr. Imran Khan. Each of them could have easily shouldered the white woman’s burden of Pakistan but the fate decided otherwise.
Ms. Britney Spears is now Pakistan’s hope. Inshah Allah.